I was aware of my surroundings as wrong, in error, and felt that if I waited a second or two, they would turn into the correct ones.They remained the same.I lay in bed thinking what had started out as a good prospect of companionship had been demolished by my own fear of commitment. I had to be myself, fears and all, in spite of what happened. That was the way it had always been with me.I got up out of bed and walked over to the clothes closet. I took my robe off and stared at myself in the full length mirror. It isn't worth it, I thought. It isn't worth the hassle. Every time I had let myself fall, it was the same old story.I decided I was not going to eat my heart out over anybody. Let somebody eat his heart out over me, if that's the way it had to be.There were plenty of Hack Raver's around, and if I did not want it that way particularly, there was always Joe Cunningham, or maybe the answer was a good old comfortable collie like Clyde. Was I leaving something out?I was still. Was it even possible that he had actually aroused himself to orgasm and had cum in his underwear? While I had been watching? He had me totally mesmerized.He collected up his things, put his book away in his bag, shook his jacket out and put it on, before walking off in the direction of a couple of large office buildings on the other side of the Cathedral precinct. I decided to follow him; I don’t know why. I guess I was just so transfixed by that brief sight of a damp patch on his front, that I followed him all the way into one of the office buildings. In those days there was little in the way of security in office buildings and, in this one, there were many tenants and small businesses, so there were lots of people coming and going in the lobby. Before I realised what I was doing, I had followed him into this strange building and I saw him disappear into the gents at the back of the ground floor hallway. Now my imagination and curiosity were both working overtime; he was either.
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